~ Humour ~

1.

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom & Pop" grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent.

The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog."

"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

"Oh, he died," the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."

"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."

"Oh? What was it then?"

"I think it was the spin cycle!"

2.

Teacher: "Johnny, what is the outside of a tree called?"
Johnny: "I don’t know."
Teacher: "Bark, Johnny, bark."
Johnny: "Bow, wow, wow!"

3.

"Have you heard about the object-orieented way to become wealthy?"
"No..."
"Inheritance."

4.

Unix is user friendly. It's just very particular about who it's friends are.

5.

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts.

Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the hell is taking so long? Hit the goddamn ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Well, hell, man, you don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here!"

Sehwag-The Marauder!

If it was the Master-Sachin Tendulkar who took center stage in the 3rd one-day international at Christchurch on Sunday, then it was his clone – Virender Sehwag – who took the Seddon Park in Hamilton by storm on Wednesday and led India to its first one-day series win in New Zealand.
A clean victory!
Sehwag’s unbeaten 125 – during which he rewrote the record books to become the fastest Indian to score a hundred in ODIs, ensured India were well ahead of the target even as the rains interrupted play on several occasions and forced the target to be revised using the D-L method.[who other than Duckworth n Lewis understand dis method man??? i mean....who wer these guyz...pathetic man !] The Nawab of Najafgarh, who needed 31 balls to get to his half-century, raced to his third hundred in ODIs in New Zealand off 60 balls.
It was carnage once again, as none of the Kiwi bowlers seemed to have any ideas on how to contain the Indian vice-captain.so severe was on d debutant -Ewan Thompson- dat i one point i felt dat d other bowlers wer scared to even come up to there bowling marks when Sehwag was on strike.
at the other end Gambhir -fantastic again!-was almost going at run-a-ball but it felt as if GAMBHIR'S PLAYING A TEST MATCH WHERE'S SEHWAG IS IN T-20 MOOD !!!
some of his sixes were so smoothly hit...dat it almost felt effortless.
yuvraj ,dhoni n co might be itching to get down der, but d delhi duo were in no mood to let go and continued der brilliant partnership to c india through.
While India might celebrate their maiden series win, there are certainly areas they need to worry about; the ground fielding has been scratchy, and the catching has been pathetic. Skipper MS Dhoni let go a regulation stumping opportunity off the bowling of Yuvraj Singh, while Sehwag and Gambhir dropped catches that ought to be taken in international cricket. For India to be considered the number one team, they need to be ruthless, iron out all these chinks and be efficient in every match.

PANDA !!!!!!

Once a panda visits a nice downtown restaurant.
As soon as he's at the entrance door the security guard is astonished to see an animal-A PANDA
visiting a restaurant.He stops him at d door n tells him that he cannot enter the restaurant.
the panda tells him dat there's no restriction put up on who should be allowed to enter , n shows him dat he's got cash to pay for his food.
having no alternative n seeing no wrong-doing, the security guard allows him inside.
every1 inside is amazed to c a PANDA in a restaurant n a lot of hushes n gushes follow,
the waiter hesitantly takes d PANDA to a rear table n asks him to take a seat.
he then asks him for d order.
The PANDA tells him dat he's very hungry n dat he would like to have everything dats gud n available on the menu.
the waiter leaves d table n returns abt half an hour later with 10-12 dishes.
the PANDA gobbles up all d food .
then suddenly he gets up n withdraws a gun from his belly pocket n starts firing everywhere in d restaurant. the people get scared n hide under their tables. but, d PANDA shoots only at d walls n cutlery's but doesn't hurt any1.
after d bullets get exhausted he walks towards d exit.
d waiter who was watching from d sidelines den suddenly confronts him at d door n asks him abt such a horrible behaviour.
d PANDA replies : Check d dictionary !
n leaves.....


d waitet goes inside, opens up his drawer n picks out a dictionary.
he den checks for d word PANDA in it.
it reads: a Large black-and-white herbivorous mammal of bamboo forests of China and Tibet;
in some classifications considered a member of the bear family; eats shoots and leaves !!!

India's Trip to New-Zealand !

so... after a hiatus of 6 long years... India.... with it's full might travels to New Zealand, which remains one of the very few places where India havnt performed well( as can be remembered frm d last series--- Test we lost 0-2 n ODI's thanx to Sehwags blitzkrieg innings we were able to win atleast a couple of matches; eventually losing 2-5---
But are things different now ???
surely,
one of the major reasons is d current form of this indian contingent heading south, they have a gr8 sense of belief,passion,strong desire to win,oomph factor of the y-gen and the man leading them is none other than the flamboyant MSD !!!
the other thing which is amazing about this team is dat they are a fearless bunch of cricketers... not afraid to take that extra risk.... able to bounce back frm the most horrible conditions....as evident frm the recent T-20 match against Sri-lanka....oh! boy ...wat a turn around
the other important factor on this tour would be the absence of Stephen Fleming
one of the most astute thinker of the game.... man! he lead his side amazingly
even though he never had a player of Sachin's or Macgrath's calibre... he extracted the most out his players( who, generally were all all-rounders, i wonder wat is it with NZ n all rounders???)
his services n experience will surely be missed by Vettori - a gud choice of captain 4 NZ now
i mean he's der best player ?
so... now India will be eyeing the coveted NO 1 spot.... n a chance to put the demons of 2002 behind them!
will be eagerly waiting for the series to begin----25th feb 2009

Engineering results!

Results!!!
the word scares the hell out of you!
earlier , that is before engg. ,i was never so anxious for my results as i always performed decently in my papers. but that thing has changed for certain now.
with, engg (more so with PU) you can never be sure abt how you performed and the expected results.
you think that if i can give an attempt of abt 75-80% of the paper ..... i will atleast get 40 !
but it never happens, with all the experience that i managed it is always the opposite.
in my case, for a paper in which i had attempted 95% correctly ...i had expected to get atleast 70. but alas.... i just managed 53....!!!
and interestingly, for a paper in which i was sure that i had attempted just about 65%....i got 72!
hw is dat possible ???? well dats engg........
with the recent results coming out,.... i have got more than a shock or two...
not personally.... i had performed ok....n d result was surprisingly apt... those papers which deserved scoring were taken care off and which gave me a nightmare wer all crossed on the borderline...
but for some friends.... who unfortunately become scapegoats.... in PU's attempt to curb people frm being eligible for placements this year.
for the last time, when are these authorities gonna realise that they are playing with a persons life... a small mistake and the world becomes topsy-turvy for dat fellow!
a person who managed to get 70% and above in all his previous semesters.....a guy who's a prodigy..... completely devastated over a paper in which he mastered....
not fair at all!
i dont care or wish to get maximum marks in any subject....never
i just want a fair evaluation.....just a fair evaluation !!!!
nothing else........
i hope PU makes some attempt to put some transparency in its approach towards engg.